Before my baby was born, I made a promise to him that I will do anything that can make him comfortable and happy. This is what I guess every mom aims and dreams of. While preparing for the newborn we seek advice and information about how to be the best mom. This is I guess the only goal every mom has and let me tell you it’s the most difficult and wrong thing we strive for. Because there is nothing called as a perfect mother. This thought can alone set new moms up for failure and then we are left weeping and crying with that mom guilt.
From the day my little one was born, I was always into the guilt of something or the other. The guilt of not knowing what to do when he cried profusely, the guilt of not being that perfect companion who gave him enough time to him, the guilt of joining back work. Whatever I did I felt guilty if it was anything other than the ideal mother definition I had in my head. I somehow felt that I was being judged, this mom shaming was all over my head.
Mistakes are something we think a mother is never supposed to make. But we need to understand that we are all humans and we will make mistake and it’s perfectly ok to do that. We should be proud of the mistake and own it. Be proud of the fact that we are not perfect and yes we accept it and are ready to learn.
Putting yourself Last!!!
As soon as we become Mothers we think the entire responsibility of handling a newborn is ours and the only way we can do it is by ignoring our own body needs. Have you heard that saying that a happy mom can make happy babies? Yes, you can never keep you kids happy if you are not, it’s ok if you are sleep deprived or not able to do what you like but at least doing something that keeps you rejuvenated and bring back to life it may be something 10 mins a day or 30 mins. I think as a human being you deserve that to yourself!!!
Yes!! Stop doing that!! I know we all have been guilty of doing that. Comparing ourselves to others. Especially on social media. You might see a happy mom sharing all wonderful moments with her little ones and yes you judge that oh she is so happy and look at my life. But trust me these are just the best of the days or time pictures. My little one first year was tough but if I see our pictures I hardly see him crying anywhere.
Nobody shares those rowdy moments, dirty house, laundry heap pictures but we all have that. So judging on the basis of the outer appearance is not right.
Also, comparing your baby to others. When you are one whom you make friends with other mothers and then start the game. My baby just rolled over and you start thinking why did mine not. Should I ask the doctor is he fine? Some would say my baby had his first teeth and then we start judging is his calcium intake not enough why isn’t he teething.
Even doctors say that every baby they meet is different and they have their own pace and reach milestones at different times. Even those baby charts you see are just for reference and every baby has its own times. Obviously, they have our genes so they cannot be compared to other babies. Instead get your mother and ask when did you achieve what and then maybe compare with your own self but I am sure your mother doesn’t remember all of it even you want it’s just that we don’t want to accept it.
Not accepting Help
We moms consider you superheroes so we don’t want to accept any sort of help from friends, relatives or visitors. We think it’s embarrassing to accept help. It’s our baby; pour home so ultimately our responsibility. But trust me we should be ready to accept help and in fact, ask for it when required. People understand that we just gave birth to a human being and along with taking care of the newborn, we need to relax too. There is a lot of work to be done on the home front and it’s ok to accept help.
I am guilty of not accepting help even from my husband. I somehow thought he was tired from work and so I ended up doing all work alone and never ever showed him how tired I was.
People always say that keeps when the baby sleeps. But we hardly pay attention to that. The moment the baby sleeps we start thinking about the dishes left, the laundry to be done etc. Spend most of our time there and as soon as the baby wakes up we are tired and spend the rest of the day like that.
Try finishing your chores when the bay is awake, you can invest in stuff like a bouncer, stroller, a baby gym which can keep them occupied while you finish the chores, talk to them while you do your job.
5. Worrying too much
Sometimes worrying too much doesn’t let us sleep quietly. When I brought my newborn home I din sleep for weeks because I was always worried about the fact that maybe he might cry in the night and because his voice is so soft I might not be able to hear. Is he breathing properly, is he not feeling hungry or too hot or cold. I was contently worried about something or the other. The only thing that can help us to believe in your baby, believe in your mother instincts that everything is fine instead of worrying. Ask questions, talk to doctors or other moms instead of worrying always.
It is important for moms to understand that we need help; we need to invest time in ourselves too. If we are doing that then we are taking a good step towards being a good mother. You might be thinking I will fix this guilt and be a guilt-free mom. Well, it’s not like that maybe not all but at least one of the mistakes I still end up committing at least once a week.
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